Every morning when I open my eyes, I am thankful.
I made it another day.
I lie there and think, “what am I going to feel like today? am I going to be able to leave the house today?” my mind is going a 100 miles an hour and fear begins to consume me. I close my eyes, and pray with every aching bone in my body “Father, I can’t do this without you. I don’t have the mental nor the physical strength to continue. Please Lord, lift me up and carry me through this day and the days to come. I need you, Lord.” I take a deep breath and sit on side of the bed. I touch my legs and pray over them for strength.
I suffer from Chronic Lyme Disease and Co-infections.
I became extremely ill in the fall of 2011. I was in the doctor’s office once or even twice a week with a new symptom, at this point, I easily had over 50 symptoms. All my labs were normal, which made things extremely frustrating. In December of that year, my husband Marc and I were driving to his hometown. All of a sudden, I felt my left arm tingling and going numb, slowly creeping up to the left side of my face. I thought I was having a stroke. Marc rushes me to the ER and once again, all my labs were normal. I started sobbing and felt so defeated.
The uncertainty of what was happening crippled me with fear.
When we got back home from visiting my in law’s that weekend, I began to brainstorm and wrote down everything I did, including dates, prior to becoming ill. I called the doctor’s office that Monday, luckily, I was able to get in that day. He looked at my list and said “I see you were camping a few times this summer. Let’s test you for Lyme Disease.” I felt a glimmer of hope and thought “GREAT. I hope this is what it is. They’ll give me antibiotics for a week and boom, I will be back to normal.” You know that saying “be careful what you wish for?” yeah, I should have incorporated that to my thinking process!!
I had to wait a week for the tests results. In the meantime, he sent me to get an MRI and see a neurologist. There’s something petrifying about seeing a neurologist. Of course, the way my wonderful mind works, I always assume the worse. I prayed and prayed and asked The Lord to take the fear that I was consumed with and help me lay it all at His feet, but I didn’t know how to; I was a control freak.
I met with the neurologist and the first thing she said to me was “everything looks okay” kinda dragging the okay part, with some hesitation in her voice. I should have majored in Psychology, apparently, I am good at “reading” people. Anyhow, okay was not good enough for me, so I asked her to explain the okay part. She said I have two small lesions in my brain, all I could think of was “I HAVE HOLES IN MY BRAIN?!? well, this makes a lot of sense actually. I can use this to my advantage for mispronouncing and misuse of American words.” A perfect future scenario … random person- “Hey, you don’t say comfortable right. me-“So, I have holes in my brain.” She explained it was most likely Migraine lesions (I have always suffered from migraines). I was a little at peace, but I had a feeling in my gut it wasn’t due to the migraines. While she was looking over the rest of my lab work, She says “oh, the tick borne panel came back.” and she paused. I was looking at her like a little puppy would look at it’s treats, hoping she would tell me this is it. I just wanted an answer. Then she uttered the words I longed to hear at that time; the words that turned my life upside down “You are positive for Babesia Microti.”
See how this illness turned my life upside down, and at the same time how I witnessed The Lord’s hands shaping my heart and my life in the next blog.
Blessings & love,