A Season of Trials (1)

I left the doctors office with a big smile on my face and a prescription script in my hand.

Off to the pharmacy I went.

7 days of Azithromycin (antibiotic) and Mepron (anti-malarial) should be more than enough, I was told. I believed them, but my gut didn’t.

The week I started these medications, 95% of my symptoms diminished. Migraines … gone, weakness in my arms … gone, electric shock feeling in my head … gone, awful stomach pain (it felt like I was having triplets) … gone. All of the 50+ symptoms I had were mostly gone. I was feeling great and I thanked The Lord for answering our prayers.

Little did I know that there was a big storm headed my way

Two days, just two days after being off my medications. All my symptoms came back, and they came back with a vengeance! Fear creeped up his way again. In my last blog, it sounded as if I was in the ER only once. That was definitely not the case. I am sure my husbands pocket wished it was. Unfortunately, the ER and clinics became my second home.

I went back to my primary doctor, and with a perplexed look on his face he said “maybe it is early stages of MS”. Being the fearful woman I am, him saying this didn’t even bother me one bit at that time because my body felt like it had an infection. I knew it wasn’t MS. He then referred me to an infectious disease specialist at Mayo. It was a very pointless appointment. He made it very clear that there is absolutely no way I could have Lyme Disease and Co-infections and that my test was a false positive. Instead, he wanted me to get an ultrasound on my entire abdomen to rule out Hodgkin’s Lymphoma because I was complaining of severe night sweats. I literally sat there thinking “this is a complete joke”. First, it was IBS, acid reflex, ulcer, hernia, chronic migraines, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, lyme and co’s, maybe MS, anxiety, depression, my favorite quote from one of the doctors “maybe you need to buy a new pillow and see if that will help your painful, cracking neck.”, and now maybe Hodgkin’s Lymphoma! Of course, it came back negative, like all the other tests he ran.

I felt so scared at this point.

In the middle of January, 2012, I noticed my balance was off. I was a server, and during one of my shifts I was carrying plates and felt as if I was walking to the right side more. It was a very odd and scary feeling. standing and taking orders from customers became a task for me. I couldn’t concentrate on their orders because I felt like I was going to fall. It was awful. I left work that night incredibly afraid and started sobbing uncontrollably in my car, my body shaking as my warm tears poured out of my eyes and I silently whispered  “help me, Father”.

And guess what? …. He heard my cry.

This was a pivotal moment in my faith.

When I was baptized in 2009, I knew that I loved Jesus and I wanted Him in my life. But, I didn’t know what It REALLY meant to be a follower of Christ. I had Him in a box. When I needed Him I opened the lid, fast, but when I was “busy” with life, I pushed that box aside.

A few months prior to becoming ill, I felt something missing in my heart. I couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but nonetheless I prayed about it. A month later, It dawned on me! I wasn’t content in my walk with Christ. I wanted to know who Jesus REALLY was. I wanted more of Him; my soul was thirsty for Him. Who wouldn’t want that?

I fell on my knees, crying.

I prayed a prayer that scared me, but it had to be done.

It will be worth it … He said.

“Father, I am deeply sorry for my sins. I repent and ask for your forgiveness. I want to know who You really are, Jesus. Draw me nearer to you.  Help me pick up my cross, daily, and follow You. However that may be, Precious Lord, I am ready.”

 

 To be continued …..

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One thought on “A Season of Trials (1)

  1. Aisha,
    Your post is so beautiful! I am so sorry for all that you are going through! I know what you mean, because I have been there and still am! Ugh! Doctors and their need to NOT diagnose lyme and co-infections!! So super frustrating!! I am so super happy that you have such a great hubby and most importantly such a strong faith. How God molds and shapes us – right?!! I too had asked God to give me a closer walk with Him before I got sick…he definitely got my attention and has answered my prayer with this disease. May He be given all glory!!
    Hugs to you ~
    Tammy in WI

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