[Quick random post]
I had a tough day today. Earlier in the day I was able to get out for a bit and run some errands, which was nice, because I’ve been so dizzy the past 4 days and I haven’t been able to drive anywhere! Shortly after I got home, I felt pretty rotten. This illness truly baffles me. One second I feel good, and the next I just feel awful … REALLY weird!! I was putting the groceries away while the kitchen room was spinning, my head pounding, vertigo like no other, shaky legs, fatigue and an icky stomach. I felt discouraged and upset . Of course, when you are upset little things like an apple falling out of your grocery bag makes you want to smash it … it was one of those days! When I am upset, I need to do something that keeps me busy … like cleaning. I was doing the dishes (by the way, I love doing dishes … weird, I know!) and guess who creeps his way into my mind? … you guessed it! Thoughts like “I am never going to get better” “is this what life is going to be like for me?” “what did I do to deserve this?” were consuming my mind. I close my eyes and ask God to help me.
I go and lay down on the couch, with an ice pack on my head and I start crying. My hubby walks in the door from work and asks me how I am feeling. My voice was shaky and I just say “fine”. He knows me too well, so he gets closer, kisses me on the forehead and sits down next to me. I told him it is so hard being sick almost everyday for a year and a half now. He held my hand and he was trying his best to comfort me (I am so blessed for this man), which he did, but I was still somewhat sad and discouraged. My eyes were closed while tears were going down my cheeks. I turn my head and I look out the window, and I notice the sky was pretty gloomy but I could see the shape of the sun behind the gloomy clouds … it caught my eye. I turn my head away from the window, I close my eyes and cry some more. When I physically feel very ill, like today, it is hard for me to take some time out and read scripture because my mind cannot retain anything (Lyme affects the brain in many ways) … but I can pray, and that’s what I did. I laid on the couch, with my eyes closed and simply just said “O, Father, I need You now.” That was all I could say … and that was all He needed.
A few minutes later, I feel this comforting warmth on my cheek and my tears slowly drying. I turn my head and look out the window, and I see the sun behind the gloomy clouds trying to shine brighter through the darkness. Bigger and brighter by the second. I couldn’t look away. I have seen the sun shine a gazillion times, but this was different … I felt Him. I close my eyes … His light shining on my face … I feel His peace … and all my tears are gone.
“I will wipe every tear from your eyes … I am here, my child, I’m here” He whispers.
“The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims His handiwork. Day to day pours out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor are there words, whose voice is not heard. Their voice goes out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world. In them he has set a tent for the sun.” Psalm 19:1-4