I prayed, but I was still very afraid.
I was shunned by the medical community and I had absolutely no idea what I was going to do next. As the days went on, my entire body was getting weaker and weaker and I was noticing scary new symptoms. I truly believed I was developing early stages of ALS, because I was having a difficult time swallowing my own saliva and food. I was also losing a ton of weight on top of all that.
Some nights before I went to bed I would pray for help and answers, but most nights I prayed that The Lord would take me away in my sleep. I was beyond depressed. Ever since I was a little girl, I prayed that God would bless me with a wonderful husband, and by His loving grace He did. Besides getting baptized, getting married to Marc was the second best day of my life. The man I prayed for since I was a little girl, is now my husband. So, the thought of me dying and leaving my husband behind put me in a state of extreme depression and anxiety. I’m not sure if you’ve seen the movie “Over Her Dead Body”, but It’s about these newly engaged couple, and this man’s fiance (Eva Longoria) dies suddenly in a car accident. Eva Longoria comes back as a ghost and tries to stop the relationship her fiance was pursuing with this other woman. I would think to myself “I am totally going to be Eva Longoria if I die from this mystery illness” Sorry Marc :p !! But, I digress … these horrible thoughts consumed my mind daily. Not only was I declining physically but mentally as well!
I was ready to be done with this season of life.
My mind that is part of the image of God where He communicates with me and reveals His will for me, was distorted by Satan. I forgot what happiness felt like … I forgot what it felt like to laugh and smile! My mind became a battleground of a spiritual warfare, and let me tell you, the enemy did a good job … but not for long.
I had a very big God by my side and the victory is always with Him.
At my very lowest and weakest point … The Lord lead me to open my Bible and dig into His Words for strength, daily. Strength that I lacked spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. And guess what? little by little, day by day and the more I dug into His Words, I felt a little stronger in every way each day.
His words became my anchor.
One day, I felt like I needed to do more research on Lyme Disease. I spent about 6 hours reading all the controversial articles about this illness, and I thankfully stumbled upon a blog of a woman who suffered from Chronic Lyme Disease and Co-infections. I should probably elaborate a little on the Co-infection part, so you are not confused when I mention Co-infections. In my case my doctor thinks I have Lyme Disease along with Babesia (co-infection), Bartonella (Co-infection), Ehrlichia (Co-infection) and Rocky mountain spotted fever (Co-infection). Each Co-infection differs from the other and from the Lyme bacteria, and each one produces new symptoms. That is why I had over a 100 symptoms! Anyhow, while reading this woman’s blog, I felt as if I was reading my own life. Her symptoms, quitting her job and nursing school … everything just fit what I was going through to the T! It was an aha moment for me! I needed to be on antibiotics longer than 7 days and I needed a doctor that specialized in this illness. I looked up Minnesota Lyme Association online, I emailed them telling them about my situation and I asked them for names of doctors that specialize in this illness and that I needed help ASAP. The following day I get a phone call from a very sweet woman, and not too far into the conversation she said “I am going to help you find the doctor that will get you better” I instantly started sobbing … I couldn’t keep it together.
It was a cry of relief … a cry of hope.
As soon as I got off the phone, Marc gave me the biggest hug and kissed my salty watery cheeks, “we’ll get through this, and I will do everything I can to get you better” he said.
I had a wonderful man by my side, but most importantly I had a God who is able.
Who is able to conquer all the powers of evil. Who is able to move mountains. Who is able to part the red sea. Who is able to sustain all of our needs. Who is able to do more than I can ever imagine. Who is able to heal …. yes, that is my God!!
“Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us.” Ephesians 3:20
To be continued ….