This past month and a half has been very tough … physically, emotionally, mentally … all of it! I have been off antibiotics for a month and half now, because the last antibiotic I was on completely ruined my gut. So, I’ve been having gut issues on top of some of my old symptoms coming back because I am not in treatment right now.
Thankfully, I started a medication for my gut two days ago and it has helped tremendously. No pain, no cramps and hardly any nausea … so that’s good. The cramps were HORRIBLE! I don’t know what giving birth feels like, but if it’s anywhere near the cramps I had … then, I might pass on the whole giving birth part! Adoption sounds like a better idea!
Because of this whole gut issue, I had to do a very strict clean diet. I’ve been losing weight with this diet, and it’s been stressing me out because I can’t afford losing any more pounds because I am tiny as it is! I decided to go to the Co-op today and get a protein shake. Let me back track a bit and say that I have been feeling really crappy today .. weakness, kind of dizzy and my mood wasn’t the best. Back to my little story, my awesome, handy GPS gives me the wrong directions on my way there and I was pretty much going in circles, for like 20 minutes… I was very tempted to chuck my phone out the window.
At this point, I was feeling very overwhelmed.
Marc calls me while I was at the Co-op, and I almost started crying on the phone with him because I was stressed out with everything, and all of a sudden I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath … almost like I was suffocating (last time I felt like this, I had a panic attack). I kept trying to calm myself by breathing, but at the same time I was rushing to get my stuff and get out of there! I get to the protein shake isle, and a sweet gal came up to me asking me if I needed help. I told her what I was looking for, so she grabbed a protein shake bottle and was explaining why it was good and yada yada … I was standing there and all of a sudden I felt very dizzy, lightheaded and my heart started pounding. I knew I was having a panic attack. I grabbed the protein shake out of her hand while she was talking, and I just pretty much walked away, fast, without saying anything (Sorry sweel girl at the Co-op). I get to the cashier and I was like speedy gonzales .. I’ve never put groceries on the counter so fast in my life!
I get to my car and I just sit and wait until it passes. I was dreading the 20 minute drive back home … but, I had no other way. Finally, after 45 min of deep breathing techniques along with prayers. I calmed down , said another prayer, and drove away!
This was the second panic attack I’ve had. The first one was two months ago … and I was driving!! I actually ended up calling 911 because I literally felt like I was dying!
Prior to my illness, I’ve never ever had a panic attack, never suffered from anxiety … nothing! The Co-infection Bartonella causes anxiety and panic attacks, and all my symptoms right now scream Bartonella. So, I need to get back on antibiotics, but I don’t know if my gut can handle oral medications right now. So, I’m not sure whether to take the natural route, or risk it and try orals again, or do a port. That’s why I am here asking you all for prayers please. Prayers for wisdom, guidance, knowledge, discernment and patience, for me, Marc and both of my doctors!!
It’s SOO tough, but I know The Lord will get us through this set back we are dealing with right now!
P.s: Don’t use a GPS on your phone anymore … apparently, they can trigger a panic attack :p
Blessings & love,