I wrote a post a while back about me being a fearful person most of my life. Both of my parents instilled fear in me and my siblings at a very young age. Our father was an alcoholic, so, there was always that constant on edge feeling being around him wondering what he will do next. My mother feared everything in life and it was very apparent to me and my siblings. Unfortunately, we were predisposed to being fearful individuals.
In my opinion, there is nothing, besides not knowing the Lord and having a serious illness, that is more debilitating in life than being fearful. It has robbed my joy from a lot of things in my life and it has hindered me from doing anything with the gifts God has given me .. I can’t imagine how sad that makes Him!
One day, the load of my all fears weighed very heavily on my shoulders … I couldn’t stand up! I fell on my knees and cried out to Him and begged Him that He would set me free! Since then, I have been praying earnestly that the Holy Spirit will clothe me with Boldness and fearlessness with my everyday life, but most importantly with my faith.
I can’t tell you how many times I have kept my mouth shut from friends, strangers or family members when I clearly felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit to say something. Instead, I stayed quiet because I was fearful I would offend them, or scared of what they would think of me.
I specifically remember praying about this matter one day and emphasizing more about being fearless and bold with my faith. I felt a weird nudge in my body and my Facebook status popped in my head (weird I know… that’s what I thought too). I love posting quotes from Christian books I am reading, or articles by some pastors that I come by, so my friends who are non-believers would see it. This is my “comfortable” way of being bold with my faith – I don’t have to confront anyone face to face and my statuses sound smart because they are from people who have studied the Bible inside and out!
Here is the part where I think the Holy Spirit was nudging me when I was praying, and I really hate admitting this … I have blocked every single Muslim family member of mine from my statuses on my Facebook. When I told my father I became a Christian a while back, in anger he told me that the rest of my family members in Jordan absolutely cannot find out I converted, because they could disown me or who knows what else could happen… and out of fear, I listened!
That nudge I felt, was almost as if God was telling me to start being bold with my family first. Every single time I have prayed about this, my family pops in my head!
What if my Muslim family in Jordan have never heard of the King of Kings?
What if it was through my Facebook posts that one or more would come to know Christ as their Lord and Savior?
What if Satan is trying his best to make me so fearful that the Word of God will not reach my family in Jordan?
I emailed my father a month ago or so and asked him to give his life to Christ, and believe me when I say this, I would have NEVER been able to do this last year!! The outcome was not what I was praying for … but at least I planted the seed and God can most definitely make it grow!
I am fervently asking you all for prayers on this very important matter – prayers for me to be bold and fearless with my faith when it comes to my family and with others as well!
I keep reminding myself of Peter, he would have not been able to walk on water unless he first stepped out of the boat to walk on that water!
Help me step out of the boat, Lord!
Blessings & Love,