My Testimony – Something BIG

I don’t think I’ve shared my testimony on my blog.

If I have, I apologize in advance.

I entered a post on the Women of Faith website last year, and they ended up publishing it onto their blog!! I actually screamed when I received an email from them!! I was elated, to say the least!

Instead of writing it out all over again, I just thought I would post the link on here for you all to check out!!

http://www.womenoffaith.com/2013/02/something-big/

Everyone has a testimony to share, what is yours?!?

 

Blessings & Love,

Aish Xoxo

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“I am Transforming You”

It was a chilly fall morning.

I lay in bed gazing out the window, carefully watching each leaf sway.

“How did all the trees look so vibrant with all the beautiful red, orange and gold colors last week, and now, they practically look dead?” I asked myself.

I brushed it off and got on with my day.

After breakfast, I came back to my room, I knelt before the Lord and prayed my morning prayer.

I feel closer to God when I gaze at His creation. Trees, birds, the sky, etc,  give me a tremendous amount of peace when I am praying, and that only comes from being in His presence. So, I always pray in front of the big window in my bedroom.

It was an ordinary morning. I opened up my prayer in thanksgiving and made my requests made known to Him, at the same time, watching most of the lifeless leaves fall slowly to the ground and others swaying back and forth from the tree branch.

In the middle of my prayer, I became silent & my eyes were fixed on the leaves.

A gust of wind came rushing by and took down the last leaves that were swaying.

Some of them drifted off in a distance, and others lay quietly in a pile.

“For the leaves to come new, they have to die, my sweet child.”

That was the first time in my life, since I became a believer, I heard God very clearly speaking to me. I may not have heard a loud-thundering voice … but I just knew it was Him.

I have struggled for a long time to hear God’s voice, and then there are others who seem to have God’s number in their contact list. He is finding them parking spots and telling them what decision to make! I felt as if I was missing a Christian chromosome and would never be able to hear His voice.

As I knelt on the floor, I felt Him gently whispering to me “You are in the process of a spiritual transformation, my child … your old-self dying to your new-self.”

Things I enjoyed doing before I became ill, I don’t enjoy doing anymore. Things that used to make me laugh back then (dirty jokes, etc), don’t make me laugh anymore. TV shows and movies I enjoyed watching back then, I don’t enjoy watching anymore.

My mind is transforming, my heart is transforming and my soul is transforming into someone that God wants me to be!

I sat there in silence and tears went pouring down my cheeks. I couldn’t finish my prayer … I bowed my head and quietly whispered, “Thank you, Lord.”

This happened to me in the beginning of fall. I wanted to write a post about it then, but I had no idea how to convey it into words, because to be quite honest with you, words can’t describe what I felt and what I heard that chilly fall morning. I prayed hard about it for a while now and asked The Holy Spirit to guide my fingers while I write this post today, because I couldn’t have done it otherwise!

You and I have asked God to remove our suffering numerous times, and the answer may have been “not yet”, and that is okay, because He is transforming our suffering into something that will be beneficial for us and will bring glory to Him!

Lean on Him …

Don’t give up …

We have new life in Him.

Blessings & Love,

Aisha

 

 

 

 

 

Being Bold With My Faith With My Muslim Family

I wrote a post a while back about me being a fearful person most of my life. Both of my parents instilled fear in me and my siblings at a very young age. Our father was an alcoholic, so, there was always that constant on edge feeling being around him wondering what he will do next. My mother feared everything in life and it was very apparent to me and my siblings. Unfortunately, we were predisposed to being fearful individuals.

In my opinion, there is nothing, besides not knowing the Lord and having a serious illness, that is more debilitating in life than being fearful. It has robbed my joy from a lot of things in my life and it has hindered me from doing anything with the gifts God has given me .. I can’t imagine how sad that makes Him! 

One day, the load of my all fears weighed very heavily on my shoulders … I couldn’t stand up! I fell on my knees and cried out to Him and begged Him that He would set me free! Since then, I have been praying earnestly that the Holy Spirit will clothe me with Boldness and fearlessness with my everyday life, but most importantly with my faith.

I can’t tell you how many times I have kept my mouth shut from friends, strangers or family members when I clearly felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit to say something. Instead, I stayed quiet because I was fearful I would offend them, or scared of what they would think of me.

I specifically remember praying about this matter one day and emphasizing more about being fearless and bold with my faith. I felt a weird nudge in my body and my Facebook status popped in my head (weird I know… that’s what I thought too). I love posting quotes from Christian books I am reading, or articles by some pastors that I come by, so my friends who are non-believers would see it. This is my “comfortable” way of being bold with my faith – I don’t have to confront anyone face to face and my statuses sound smart because they are from people who have studied the Bible inside and out!

Here is the part where I think the Holy Spirit was nudging me when I was praying, and I really hate admitting this … I have blocked every single Muslim family member of mine from my statuses on my Facebook. When I told my father I became a Christian a while back, in anger he told me that the rest of my family members in Jordan absolutely cannot find out I converted, because they could disown me or who knows what else could happen… and out of fear, I listened! 

That nudge I felt, was almost as if God was telling me to start being bold with my family first. Every single time I have prayed about this, my family pops in my head! 

What if my Muslim family in Jordan have never heard of the King of Kings?

What if it was through my Facebook posts that one or more would come to know Christ as their Lord and Savior? 

What if Satan is trying his best to make me so fearful that the Word of God will not reach my family in Jordan?

I emailed my father a month ago or so and asked him to give his life to Christ, and believe me when I say this, I would have NEVER been able to do this last year!! The outcome was not what I was praying for … but at least I planted the seed and God can most definitely make it grow!

I am fervently asking you all for prayers on this very important matter – prayers for me to be bold and fearless with my faith when it comes to my family and with others as well!

I keep reminding myself of Peter, he would have not been able to walk on water unless he first stepped out of the boat to walk on that water!

Help me step out of the boat, Lord! 

Blessings & Love,

Aish

 

 

 

 

 

The Long Windy Road

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“But all along this hazardous, twisted road that doesn’t let you see very far ahead there are frequent signs that say, ‘the best is yet to come.’ And at the bottom right corner written with an unmistakable hand are the words, ‘as I live, says the Lord!’ ” John Piper

We will overcome, because He has overcome!!!

Blessings & Love,

Aish

The Storm – Waiting in Silence

The word “silence” has been on my mind quite a bit lately.

It so happened that I stumbled upon a powerful verse a few days after I met Chuck. I’ve never read it nor heard it before!

“For God alone, my soul waits in silence” Psalm 62:1 … this verse sends shivers all the way down to my spine when I read it.

I don’t know about you guys, but I feel like I am in one of the biggest storms of my life right now. So big that I feel like drowning because the waves are too big and the force of the winds are too strong against my body. I want to touch the shoreline so bad and I want to breath a huge sigh of relief, but the waves keep pushing me under into the sea of darkness and I only get a small glimpse of the shoreline!!

I can’t tell you how many times I have complained, moaned, groaned, questioned and cried because I want to be healed now … my time, my way!! I am doing the complete opposite of what God is asking me to do! I looked up the meaning of “wait” and this is what I found – “to remain stationary in readiness or expectation.” It is in our nature to want to fix things, especially when it comes to us or someone we love, and for me personally, waiting makes me extremely anxious and this is where the questioning and complaining comes in. Where is my faith when I am in the deep dark part of the sea questioning His ability to rescue me?! Not only am I not doing what He asked me to do, which is to be silent and wait upon Him, but my faith in Him is lacking! James 1:6-7 says “But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.”

He is not asking much from me. I am to simply wait upon Him, in silence without any complaining …. that is all! I think it takes more strength to be still in the raging storm and trusting Him that He will extend His gentle hand to reach mine and pull me out of deep waters than me fighting the waves with little energy that I have!

Sweet friend, you might be fighting the big waves and the strong winds because you also want to get to the shoreline, but let’s embrace the sweet promises He has for me and you, and let’s patiently wait upon Him alone, in silence, and trust that His timing is always perfect!!

The shoreline will be that much better at the end …

 

Heavy Heart – Crisis Back Home

My siblings and I grabbed the masking tape and started taping the windows in our home.

My heart was racing uncontrollably as I tore a large piece of tape from the roll, “What if we all die tomorrow?! … I will miss my family so much” I thought. I reached the edge of the window frame and placed the tape diagonally across the window … I looked up to the sky and just waited and waited.

I was 6 years old when the gulf war happened. I will never forget the day my mother received a phone call from the American embassy to persuade us to leave Jordan because missiles were going over Jordan. I was so nauseated and anxious when I heard the news. Fear consumed me … I couldn’t sleep at night, I was too scared to sit next to windows in case they shattered on me, even though we had masking tape on them. Every time I heard a plane my heart sank, and I was constantly looking out the window … waiting! I was in a constant state of panic and it was a horrible feeling. Thankfully, the American embassy lent us money to come to the states for a few months until things cooled down in the Middle East.

We were blessed with the opportunity to leave and be safe, but most people in the Middle East right now are not able to do that and this has been weighing very heavy on my heart lately. Images of people who have lost loved ones and people who lost their homes. People hurting, crying & scared … images of children roaming the streets alone, lost, injured and afraid, has been stuck in my head for a few weeks now and I cannot shake it off!

No matter the race, culture, or religion, they are all God’s children and when God’s children are hurting and suffering … it affects me a lot!

Oh please come Lord, come ….

Father God,

My heart has been very heavy with all that has been going on in the world, especially in the Middle East. Help me lay it all at your feet, Lord …. it is too much for my heart to bear. I pray for repentance that will bring healing to Syria and the surrounding countries. Father, I pray that the leaders of this nation and other countries will submit their rule to the reign of Jesus Christ … let this world be filled with your glory! Lord, remind us that this Kingdom is yours and that you are Lord over us and every nation! In Jesus’ name I pray ….. Amen.

Quick Health Update

My health hasn’t been the best lately. It has been very up and down (mostly down).

I decided not to see the Lyme doctor I was seeing … her and I weren’t on the same page on a lot of things and I just felt like she didn’t know how complex and difficult this illness is. I spoke with a few friends who have Lyme and they recommended a doctor in WI, so, I see her Sept. 11th. These people that I have spoken to are doing much better under her treatment, so, I am praying so hard that she can help me out!

I found out a few months ago that I have this gene mutation called C677t and I am homozygous for this gene mutation, which means I got it from both parents. You can click on the C677t right above and you can read all about it … it is very complex. When I was on antibiotics, I would get really really sick … I mean I felt like death. Part of it was the herxheimer reaction and the the other part was because of my gene mutation. I mentioned before that detox is sooo important with this illness, because when the bacteria dies, you want to detox as much as possible to flush out the toxins and dead bacteria from the body. Well, this lovely gene mutation that I have makes it hard for my body to metabolize medication and my liver has a hard time detoxing everything out, so I had A LOT of toxins building up in my body and that can be very very dangerous!! Also, anyone who has this gene mutation and has a chronic illness, they become more sick compared to one that does not have this gene mutation. Not only is Lyme and Co infections very difficult and complex to treat, but now I have this gene mutation which makes it ten times more difficult to treat! My primary suggested I get a full genetics test done, just so she can see everything in a bigger picture and help heal my body. I should be getting the tests results in a few weeks here!!

Life has been one CRAZY roller coaster ride … physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually! I’ve cried out to God in pain, in anger, in joy, in sadness, in hopelessness, in desperation and He continues to restore me every single time. Wow …. I am so humbled by His love!

If you all could please continue to pray for my health, my husband and this new doctor, It would mean the world to me!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!

*God is soooo good*

Blessings & Love,

Aisha

Too Busy For God

What a busy few weeks it has been!

When I first started this blog my goal was to write at least one post a week (since I have all the time in the world) but, that didn’t happen because life was really busy for the first time in a very long time for me. I forgot what busy felt like and how busy life can be, and to be honest I am not sure I miss it all that much.

I was just telling a friend about a month ago how much I miss being busy and on the go instead of having so much time on my hands. So ironic I got a glimpse of it the past few weeks, because it opened my eyes to a few things I really needed to see.

I was too busy for God. Oh, how I hate admitting that. Unfortunately, the busyness of life does that, and for the first time EVER, I missed being cooped up in our tiny apartment sitting at the feet of Jesus and sipping on the Word of God. Don’t get me wrong, I am very very grateful I was able to go out and about with family and friends and enjoy my time with them, but there’s a different and a deeper kind of joy that comes out of bathing in God’s Word every day, and my soul yearned for that while I was away and busy.

I was in Duluth one weekend, Iowa the following weekend, and Rochester and Lake Vermilion the next, and I had appointments galore during the week. My sick body was not used to doing all of that, and any down time I had, I would plop myself on the couch and not move or blink or anything… that’s how tired and busy I was. I felt like I had no time or energy to dig into scripture, or even pray for that matter, and I did not like that feeling one bit!

I truly believe busyness is a great distraction of the enemy. It is his desire to keep us too busy for God.

Since I became ill and have so much time on my hands, I spend quite a bit of time with God. I wake up, get on my knees, close my eyes and pray. I  spend some time working on my Bible study (hope y’all are doing Priscilla Shirer’s Bible study, Gideon, this summer … it’s fabulous). I spend time digging into His Word and listening to worship songs … all in our tiny little apartment. This has been my almost daily routine for the past year and It dawned on me last week, in the midst of all the busyness, that I am very blessed for all the free time that I have because I get to spend it with Him. Wow, what a huge blessing that is!!!

When I woke up Monday morning, I got on my knees and, shockingly, I thanked God for my illness. Even though I was super dizzy, my body hurt and I had zero energy, I still sincerely thanked Him for this awful illness (I bet Satan didn’t see that coming :p). For the first time ever It felt like I was looking at suffering from God’s perspective and it felt good … so good!!

Today, Lord, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for this illness. Thank you for the days when I am not able to leave the house because that is when you breath love and hope into my soul. I will always be still for you, Lord.  Amen

 

 

 

 

And There Was Light …

It is dark … so dark.

My eyes hurt from crying. My body is weak. I hurt all over.

I’m tired … my body doesn’t want to fight anymore.

My eyes are closed and tears are streaming down my face, feeling like God forgot about me, “Hello, God, I am right here … it’s Aisha, again!!” The feelings of hopelessness and despair took over my soul a few days ago. I felt like I was forgotten about, I felt alone, I felt like there was no point to my existence.

“Let there be light” … these four words kept popping up in my head as I laid in bed motionless. I tried avoiding it because I was physically too weak to acknowledge it. I heard it again, “let there be light” and I thought “yes, God, I could use a little light in my life right now … any day would be great.” more tears went down my cheeks, and there it was again “let there be light”. I’ve been praying lately that God would help me be more obedient to Him, so, I thought this was probably a good time to act on that. My body was so weak I did not want to get up, but I did anyways. I swung my legs to the side of the bed and my feet dropped to the floor. The pain in my legs hurt so bad, the shakiness in my legs felt like I was going to collapse and the room was spinning from the dizziness … “who is this 90 year old’s body??!” I thought!

I had my Bible in my hands and I opened it to Genesis. Last time I read Genesis was when I first became a Christian, so, it has been a while. I read Genesis 1:2-3 “The earth was without form and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep. And the spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.Then God said ‘let there be light’ and there was light.” I paused, and read it again and again and let me tell you, this verse hit me HARD! This is what I love about God’s Word, we can read a verse numerous times and it will speak to us more and more every time we read it! Back to the whole earth thing. It was dark, with NO light. It was without form … o my gosh, I don’t think my brain can fathom this! It pretty much existed but had no purpose … Lord, I totally know how the earth felt!! This illness robbed so much from me – my job, my health, my schooling, my goals, things I enjoy doing, etc .. and some days I just feel like I don’t know what my purpose is on earth. In the midst of all the pain, I tend to look at my life the way the earth looked back in the early days – dark, lonely, lost and a mess – wondering if God is really able to bring light into the pit of darkness that I am in.

While reading the beginning of Genesis, I closed my eyes and I pictured God joyfully gazing at the dark earth because he has the perfect vision for it – He sees the amazing potential it has – beauty that He can create out of nothing, order out of complete chaos, fullness out of complete emptiness and light out of complete darkness. Everything He envisioned fell into place beautifully, and that includes you, me and everyone else. Just like the trees, the stars, the sun, the waters, the animals all have a purpose; so do we! Life is so tough … I am only 27, and let me just say that I’ve had my fair share of trial after trial, but there is one thing I am certain of, and that is that God wants me here … I don’t know why ( just like I don’t know why mosquitoes or ticks exist) and I may never know why, but He created me, He breathed His love into me and He wanted me to be part of His beautiful vision and my gosh that makes me feel pretty darn special. Same goes for you too!!

The same way God made fullness out of emptiness, beauty out of nothing, light out of darkness …. He will do the same for me too, because I am His.

I am only assuming here – God created “this light” before the sun, stars and moon. This got me thinking, could this be a glimpse of light that shined from God? Was the light that I’ve been searching for in the midst of my illness with me this entire time? Jesus said “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12.

I’ve been hearing too many stories of people with Lyme that have committed suicide lately and I’ve spoken with some friends who have just had it with this illness. They simply don’t have the strength to push through it anymore and trust me, I get it … I really do. If you are one of those people right now, I’m asking you to open up God’s Word and spend some quality time with Him. He will breath strength in you, He will sustain you, He will deliver you and He will shine His light through you. He made you because He loves you and He wants you here. You have a purpose and don’t ever forget that … you are fearfully and wonderfully made!!

Will you follow His light with me?!

Healing comes when we move away from all the darkness and walk toward His light.

Let’s follow Him, friend!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Marriage & Trials

“Open your eyes and turn around” Marc said to me, with his big blue eyes, cute smile and a shaky ring box in his hand. I chucked my 10 dollar ring across the room, got on my knees, I hugged him so tight and we both cried.

I was so excited because I was going to be a wife … his wife!!

He slipped the ring on my finger …. not knowing what that ring really meant until a few years later.

***

Even though I was baptized and I had accepted Jesus into my heart a year before Marc and I got married, my life and even me and Marc’s relationship was not centered in Christ. Yes, I went to Church (when I felt like it), yes, I prayed (when I needed Him), yes, I called myself a Christian, but I really wasn’t.

My priorities were not right.

Shortly after Marc and I got married, I would often feel Something tugging at my heart to open The Bible more and I would hear His whisper “read my words, Aisha”. Sadly, I ignored it because in my mind I had better things to do, like go out with my friends or watch hours of pointless TV shows. I am not saying hanging out with friends is bad, but I made no time for The Lord when He clearly wanted me to make time for Him … that was bad.

Jonah disobeyed God and ran away from Him because he did not want to do what The Lord had commanded Him to do. Long story short, Jonah ended up being swallowed by a big fish and while he was inside the fish he prayed and asked for forgiveness from God. After three days God commanded the fish to spit Jonah out and God forgave him.

I can relate to this story in so many ways. I was running away from God, wanting to do what I wanted to do, but The Lord had other plans for me. He wanted me to stop doing what I was doing and turn my life to Him and the only way that could happen was me becoming ill and being house bound most days. I’m not a 100% sure if this illness is from God, but there is something in my heart that tells me it is.

Since Marc and I got married, we had a lot of trials come our way. The first 6 months of our marriage we lived an hour and a half away from each other, then my father was diagnosed with Cirrhosis of the liver, then one of Marc’s good childhood friends took his own life, then my parents were evicted from their home, then more problems with my family, then I became ill and life became harder and harder. It felt like it was one thing after another.

I had a very secular view on what marriage was going to be like for Marc and I; we would make money, travel, have fun with our friends, buy nice things and just be happy. I did not know what God’s primary intent for marriage was. Since I became ill, I, sometimes would compare myself to our friends who were making more money than we were, who were traveling and ones who “looked” happy and it would just put me in this pit of self pity and despair! It wasn’t until recently that I truly understood what God’s purpose for marriage was.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Being married is not about me and Marc being happy, and it is definitely not a place where we can finally get our needs met either … it is NOT about me or Marc, period! God’s purpose for marriage is to glorify Him, to serve Him and to shape us into the image of His son. Every trial we endure and every difficulty we face is to help mold & shape us into the image of Jesus, and Marc and I are learning how to welcome these trials with open arms because we both want to be shaped and molded into His image.

Jesus was made perfect through His suffering … we need to be reminded by that.

The ring Marc and I placed on each others fingers were a promise to God that we will both help one another become more holy and more like Jesus.

He is our priority today.