“I am Transforming You”

It was a chilly fall morning.

I lay in bed gazing out the window, carefully watching each leaf sway.

“How did all the trees look so vibrant with all the beautiful red, orange and gold colors last week, and now, they practically look dead?” I asked myself.

I brushed it off and got on with my day.

After breakfast, I came back to my room, I knelt before the Lord and prayed my morning prayer.

I feel closer to God when I gaze at His creation. Trees, birds, the sky, etc,  give me a tremendous amount of peace when I am praying, and that only comes from being in His presence. So, I always pray in front of the big window in my bedroom.

It was an ordinary morning. I opened up my prayer in thanksgiving and made my requests made known to Him, at the same time, watching most of the lifeless leaves fall slowly to the ground and others swaying back and forth from the tree branch.

In the middle of my prayer, I became silent & my eyes were fixed on the leaves.

A gust of wind came rushing by and took down the last leaves that were swaying.

Some of them drifted off in a distance, and others lay quietly in a pile.

“For the leaves to come new, they have to die, my sweet child.”

That was the first time in my life, since I became a believer, I heard God very clearly speaking to me. I may not have heard a loud-thundering voice … but I just knew it was Him.

I have struggled for a long time to hear God’s voice, and then there are others who seem to have God’s number in their contact list. He is finding them parking spots and telling them what decision to make! I felt as if I was missing a Christian chromosome and would never be able to hear His voice.

As I knelt on the floor, I felt Him gently whispering to me “You are in the process of a spiritual transformation, my child … your old-self dying to your new-self.”

Things I enjoyed doing before I became ill, I don’t enjoy doing anymore. Things that used to make me laugh back then (dirty jokes, etc), don’t make me laugh anymore. TV shows and movies I enjoyed watching back then, I don’t enjoy watching anymore.

My mind is transforming, my heart is transforming and my soul is transforming into someone that God wants me to be!

I sat there in silence and tears went pouring down my cheeks. I couldn’t finish my prayer … I bowed my head and quietly whispered, “Thank you, Lord.”

This happened to me in the beginning of fall. I wanted to write a post about it then, but I had no idea how to convey it into words, because to be quite honest with you, words can’t describe what I felt and what I heard that chilly fall morning. I prayed hard about it for a while now and asked The Holy Spirit to guide my fingers while I write this post today, because I couldn’t have done it otherwise!

You and I have asked God to remove our suffering numerous times, and the answer may have been “not yet”, and that is okay, because He is transforming our suffering into something that will be beneficial for us and will bring glory to Him!

Lean on Him …

Don’t give up …

We have new life in Him.

Blessings & Love,

Aisha

 

 

 

 

 

Marriage & Trials

“Open your eyes and turn around” Marc said to me, with his big blue eyes, cute smile and a shaky ring box in his hand. I chucked my 10 dollar ring across the room, got on my knees, I hugged him so tight and we both cried.

I was so excited because I was going to be a wife … his wife!!

He slipped the ring on my finger …. not knowing what that ring really meant until a few years later.

***

Even though I was baptized and I had accepted Jesus into my heart a year before Marc and I got married, my life and even me and Marc’s relationship was not centered in Christ. Yes, I went to Church (when I felt like it), yes, I prayed (when I needed Him), yes, I called myself a Christian, but I really wasn’t.

My priorities were not right.

Shortly after Marc and I got married, I would often feel Something tugging at my heart to open The Bible more and I would hear His whisper “read my words, Aisha”. Sadly, I ignored it because in my mind I had better things to do, like go out with my friends or watch hours of pointless TV shows. I am not saying hanging out with friends is bad, but I made no time for The Lord when He clearly wanted me to make time for Him … that was bad.

Jonah disobeyed God and ran away from Him because he did not want to do what The Lord had commanded Him to do. Long story short, Jonah ended up being swallowed by a big fish and while he was inside the fish he prayed and asked for forgiveness from God. After three days God commanded the fish to spit Jonah out and God forgave him.

I can relate to this story in so many ways. I was running away from God, wanting to do what I wanted to do, but The Lord had other plans for me. He wanted me to stop doing what I was doing and turn my life to Him and the only way that could happen was me becoming ill and being house bound most days. I’m not a 100% sure if this illness is from God, but there is something in my heart that tells me it is.

Since Marc and I got married, we had a lot of trials come our way. The first 6 months of our marriage we lived an hour and a half away from each other, then my father was diagnosed with Cirrhosis of the liver, then one of Marc’s good childhood friends took his own life, then my parents were evicted from their home, then more problems with my family, then I became ill and life became harder and harder. It felt like it was one thing after another.

I had a very secular view on what marriage was going to be like for Marc and I; we would make money, travel, have fun with our friends, buy nice things and just be happy. I did not know what God’s primary intent for marriage was. Since I became ill, I, sometimes would compare myself to our friends who were making more money than we were, who were traveling and ones who “looked” happy and it would just put me in this pit of self pity and despair! It wasn’t until recently that I truly understood what God’s purpose for marriage was.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Being married is not about me and Marc being happy, and it is definitely not a place where we can finally get our needs met either … it is NOT about me or Marc, period! God’s purpose for marriage is to glorify Him, to serve Him and to shape us into the image of His son. Every trial we endure and every difficulty we face is to help mold & shape us into the image of Jesus, and Marc and I are learning how to welcome these trials with open arms because we both want to be shaped and molded into His image.

Jesus was made perfect through His suffering … we need to be reminded by that.

The ring Marc and I placed on each others fingers were a promise to God that we will both help one another become more holy and more like Jesus.

He is our priority today.